Saturday, 28 November 2009

Bunny and The Bull

Paul King, 2009

Well, the title gives you high hopes for cattle, doesn't it?

However, this Withnailesque blend of comedy underscored poignant melancholy is shot in a dreamlike magical style so, for example, horses appear yet they're cartoons.

There is an actual live dog called Cow, and there's a full size live bull made of cogs and assorted other metalwork.

And then there is, briefly but significantly, a big black bull.

Result!

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Coffy

Jack Hill, 1973

No cows.

Possibly the most pronounced cows:gratuitous tits ratio discrepancy of any movie that's any good.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Capturing the Friedmans

Andrew Jarecki, 2003

In this absolutely extraordinary documentary - how can you manage to deal with an issue like child sex abuse without making an audience jump to conclusions? - when Peter Panaro talks of driving upstate to visit Arnold Friedman in jail, the sequence starts with a great close-up of a cow pushing its big square nose towards the camera in a sunny field.

Being John Malkovich

Spike Jonze, 1999

No cows.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Chocolat

Lasse Hallström, 2000

This is a halfling, a bovine twilight film, an undefined double-agent of teasing confusion. Several times you hear cows in the background, but you never get to see them. I think that means it counts as a no-cow film.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Sleeper

Woody Allen, 1973

No cows. But an eight foot chicken is something of a commendable mitigating factor.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Confessions of A Dangerous Mind

George Clooney, 2002

What's not to love about this criminally overlooked movie?

A rattling good tale taken from the 'unauthorised autobiography' of game show host and CIA hitman Chuck Barris, turned into a characteristically sparky screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, directed by George Clooney, a great lead performance from Moon's brilliant leading (almost solo) man Sam Rockwell, and even hilariously underplayed cameos from Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.

I'll tell you what's not to love. Not a cow in sight.

Worse, for the third time in only eleven movies so far logged here - Amelie and Very Annie Mary being the others - there are goats but no cows.

In the Helsinki scene a truckful of goats goes by. Later, in East Berlin, Chuck gets into the back of a truck with a load of blokes and a goat. It looks a lot like the same truck and leads me to the conclusion that they shot all the 'icy European cities' scenes in one swift go, recycling the goat truck.

Cheapskate production values? Or bovophobia?

Friday, 13 November 2009

The End of The Affair

Neil Jordan, 1999

No cows.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Very Annie Mary

Sara Sugarman, 2001

No cows.

Despite Annie Mary wearing something that looks like cow-print chaps, and despite the extensive use of rural location and the inclusion of quality close-ups of more unusual livestock like geese and goats, this is nonetheless a bovine free zone.

Human Nature

Michel Gondry, 2001

From the writer/director partnership of Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry, whose follow-up was the incomparable Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, comes this tale of human pretence, artifice, neurosis and the way we value what we idealise at the cost of what we actually have. As Nathan Bronfman advises Puff, a man raised as an ape as he struggles to become civilised, 'remember, when in doubt, don't ever do what you really want to do'.

And at the end, as Puff marches proudly back to the forest, he nods to two cows in a field by the road. It's not just a passing touch but a clear symbolic comment that civilisation has turned us all into domestic cattle. Moo.

Monday, 9 November 2009

The Omen

Richard Donner, 1976

No cows.

What kind of diabolical film could be set in modern England with a herd of giraffes and a troop of baboons, yet no cows? Truly satanic.

Sunday, 8 November 2009

The Man in the White Suit

Alexander Mackendrick, 1951

No cows.

A model horse and a painting of a stag in Mr Birnley's study are as close as it gets.

Saturday, 7 November 2009

The Italian Job

Peter Collinson, 1969

No cows.

Friday, 6 November 2009

Amelie

Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 2001

No cows. (But there is a rather fine goat).