Anton Corbijn, 2007
What a dull movie this is. You don't get any explanation as to why these people wanted to be in a band, what the music meant to them or anyone else, what Curtis's motivation was for writing, what the emotional content or basis of his relationships were, nothing.
There's a bit after he leaves Debbie that starts to move, but is quickly snuffed out by the clumsy 'voices during hypnosis' bit.
Heavy handed, superficial, uninvolving. It feels like a movie made by a photographer. Imagine if Joy Division had never existed and this was just a piece of fiction. Nobody would like it. It is entirely reliant on people approving of the subject. As such, it stands alongside The Buddy Holly Story.
And there's no cows.
Thursday 31 December 2009
Tuesday 29 December 2009
The Ladykillers
Alexander Mackendrick, 1955
Alec Guinness delivers yet another brilliant comic performance, and shows the breadth of his talent by being an utterly complete character yet unlike any others he played.
And I love it for showing that real Britain, the shonky working class housng where you have a hammer hanging by the sink for banging the pipe to make the water work. This would get on to the screen later in the kitchen-sink dramas of the late 50s and early 60s, but the Ealings are the earliest British films I've seen where life seems real. And their approach to community and authority rings true as well. That is my Britain.
The Ladykillers is another urban Ealing comedy, so, once more, there's no place for cattle. There is consolation to be had in - as with Whisky Galore! - there's some non-plot related random horse action. This particular high quality gratuitous equine scene features Dennis the horse eating a load of apples off Frankie Howerd's cart.
No cows.
Alec Guinness delivers yet another brilliant comic performance, and shows the breadth of his talent by being an utterly complete character yet unlike any others he played.
And I love it for showing that real Britain, the shonky working class housng where you have a hammer hanging by the sink for banging the pipe to make the water work. This would get on to the screen later in the kitchen-sink dramas of the late 50s and early 60s, but the Ealings are the earliest British films I've seen where life seems real. And their approach to community and authority rings true as well. That is my Britain.
The Ladykillers is another urban Ealing comedy, so, once more, there's no place for cattle. There is consolation to be had in - as with Whisky Galore! - there's some non-plot related random horse action. This particular high quality gratuitous equine scene features Dennis the horse eating a load of apples off Frankie Howerd's cart.
No cows.
Monday 28 December 2009
Whisky Galore!
Alexander Mackendrick, 1949
Gratuitous shot of three horses walking on a beach, and of course some sheep, but no cows.
Gratuitous shot of three horses walking on a beach, and of course some sheep, but no cows.
Wednesday 23 December 2009
Robin and Marian
Richard Lester, 1976
What a weird pedigree. Richard Lester (A Hard Day's Night, How I Won The War) directing Sean Connery as Robin Hood, Audrey Hepburn as Marian and Ronnie Barker as Friar Tuck.
And it's no merry adventures thing, it's 20 years after as Robin returns from fighting in the crusades and finds Marian's been living in a convent. It's got all the zest you expect from Lester, but with a softened pace.
An unashamedly soppy film, it nonetheless carries a constant ache, it is is about lost time, the way that maturity does not often deliver the answers that youth expects will come. Hepburn's performance - her first in nearly a decade - is wonderful, a constant melancholy behind the eyes counterpointing her poise and wisdom, and there is a powerful feeling of a long love glowing between her and Connery.
Being set in the 12th century, there's a lot of quality livestock living around people. We get goats, pigs and geese, but surprisingly few cattle. But although they only have a minor role, it does at least have considerable prestige, drawing the funeral carriage of Richard the Lionheart.
What a weird pedigree. Richard Lester (A Hard Day's Night, How I Won The War) directing Sean Connery as Robin Hood, Audrey Hepburn as Marian and Ronnie Barker as Friar Tuck.
And it's no merry adventures thing, it's 20 years after as Robin returns from fighting in the crusades and finds Marian's been living in a convent. It's got all the zest you expect from Lester, but with a softened pace.
An unashamedly soppy film, it nonetheless carries a constant ache, it is is about lost time, the way that maturity does not often deliver the answers that youth expects will come. Hepburn's performance - her first in nearly a decade - is wonderful, a constant melancholy behind the eyes counterpointing her poise and wisdom, and there is a powerful feeling of a long love glowing between her and Connery.
Being set in the 12th century, there's a lot of quality livestock living around people. We get goats, pigs and geese, but surprisingly few cattle. But although they only have a minor role, it does at least have considerable prestige, drawing the funeral carriage of Richard the Lionheart.
Tuesday 22 December 2009
Deconstructing Harry
Woody Allen 1997
Whilst it's another of Allen's relationship-orientasted films, this has a dark, raw quality that points the way to the later comedy-free thrillers like Match Point and Cassandra's Dream. This harsh view of the world is compunded by a lack of cattle.
No cows.
Whilst it's another of Allen's relationship-orientasted films, this has a dark, raw quality that points the way to the later comedy-free thrillers like Match Point and Cassandra's Dream. This harsh view of the world is compunded by a lack of cattle.
No cows.
Thursday 10 December 2009
A Taste of Honey
Tony Richardson, 1961
Two Smiths lyrics are lifted from this script*, and you can see why. Much as New York City is the only place where Shaft could make sense, so Industrial Manchester should get an Oscar for best supporting actor for A Taste of Honey.
Growing up, the 1960s seemed centuries beyond the 30s, but from today's vantage point they're becoming indistinguishable. The grimy mid-century Britain of Man In The White Suit looks the same as the one in A Taste of Honey, and even Kes is the same thing if you allow for the advent of colour film.
And, as you'd expect for an inner city, there's no cows.
= = = = = = = = =
* 'I dreamt about you last night and I fell out of bed twice' from Reel Around The Fountain, and 'the dream has gone but the baby is real' from This Night Has Opened My Eyes.
Two Smiths lyrics are lifted from this script*, and you can see why. Much as New York City is the only place where Shaft could make sense, so Industrial Manchester should get an Oscar for best supporting actor for A Taste of Honey.
Growing up, the 1960s seemed centuries beyond the 30s, but from today's vantage point they're becoming indistinguishable. The grimy mid-century Britain of Man In The White Suit looks the same as the one in A Taste of Honey, and even Kes is the same thing if you allow for the advent of colour film.
And, as you'd expect for an inner city, there's no cows.
= = = = = = = = =
* 'I dreamt about you last night and I fell out of bed twice' from Reel Around The Fountain, and 'the dream has gone but the baby is real' from This Night Has Opened My Eyes.
Wednesday 9 December 2009
Shaft's Big Score!
Gordon Parks, 1972
This is the second movie taken from Ernest Tidyman's novels about black New York private detective John Shaft. Strangely they went straight from the first to the third book, for some reason ignoring Shaft Among The Jews.
All credit to director Parks for having a stab at writing a Theme From Shaft stylee follow-up theme tune for this one himself.
This cost a bit more to make than the first Shaft movie largely, one suspects, due to the overused helicopter. Yes, helicopters, cars driving through piles of cardboard boxes, cars ploughing into lines of oil drums, it's practically an I-Spy Book of Cop Show Cliches.
And kinnell, look at the frigging poster!
Helicopter exploding, speedboat, and immensely phallic gun from Shaft's leathered groin. And what an apologist defeated tagline, 'you liked it before so he's back with more'. Why not 'the first one was good and we'd like some more of your money'?
There is a theory that the badness of a movie is proportional to the amount of screentime devoted to helicopters. I'd like to add a bovinity-dearth corollary to that.
No cows.
This is the second movie taken from Ernest Tidyman's novels about black New York private detective John Shaft. Strangely they went straight from the first to the third book, for some reason ignoring Shaft Among The Jews.
All credit to director Parks for having a stab at writing a Theme From Shaft stylee follow-up theme tune for this one himself.
This cost a bit more to make than the first Shaft movie largely, one suspects, due to the overused helicopter. Yes, helicopters, cars driving through piles of cardboard boxes, cars ploughing into lines of oil drums, it's practically an I-Spy Book of Cop Show Cliches.
And kinnell, look at the frigging poster!
Helicopter exploding, speedboat, and immensely phallic gun from Shaft's leathered groin. And what an apologist defeated tagline, 'you liked it before so he's back with more'. Why not 'the first one was good and we'd like some more of your money'?
There is a theory that the badness of a movie is proportional to the amount of screentime devoted to helicopters. I'd like to add a bovinity-dearth corollary to that.
No cows.
Tuesday 8 December 2009
Shaft
Gordon Parks, 1971
With the cold wintry New York City playing a strong role as supporting actor (can you imagine if this were shot in Cleveland or Huddersfield?), it's a great tense, pacy blaxploitation caper, but let down by a lack of bovinity.
No cows.
With the cold wintry New York City playing a strong role as supporting actor (can you imagine if this were shot in Cleveland or Huddersfield?), it's a great tense, pacy blaxploitation caper, but let down by a lack of bovinity.
No cows.
Monday 7 December 2009
Duck Soup
Leo McCarey 1933
"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home".
Groucho gets in a good cow gag there, and there is a scene with a horse in bed, but that's as good as it gets on the livestock front.
No cows.
"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home".
Groucho gets in a good cow gag there, and there is a scene with a horse in bed, but that's as good as it gets on the livestock front.
No cows.
Friday 4 December 2009
Withnail and I
Bruce Robinson, 1987
A very large and prominent bull 'wants to get down there and have sex with those cows,' giving Marwood a different kind of The Fear.
However, encouraged by Farmer Parkin and with the aid of a cascade of groceries, he sees the bull off and manages to shut that gate and keep it shut.
A very large and prominent bull 'wants to get down there and have sex with those cows,' giving Marwood a different kind of The Fear.
However, encouraged by Farmer Parkin and with the aid of a cascade of groceries, he sees the bull off and manages to shut that gate and keep it shut.
Thursday 3 December 2009
Saturday 28 November 2009
Bunny and The Bull
Paul King, 2009
Well, the title gives you high hopes for cattle, doesn't it?
However, this Withnailesque blend of comedy underscored poignant melancholy is shot in a dreamlike magical style so, for example, horses appear yet they're cartoons.
There is an actual live dog called Cow, and there's a full size live bull made of cogs and assorted other metalwork.
And then there is, briefly but significantly, a big black bull.
Result!
Well, the title gives you high hopes for cattle, doesn't it?
However, this Withnailesque blend of comedy underscored poignant melancholy is shot in a dreamlike magical style so, for example, horses appear yet they're cartoons.
There is an actual live dog called Cow, and there's a full size live bull made of cogs and assorted other metalwork.
And then there is, briefly but significantly, a big black bull.
Result!
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Coffy
Jack Hill, 1973
No cows.
Possibly the most pronounced cows:gratuitous tits ratio discrepancy of any movie that's any good.
No cows.
Possibly the most pronounced cows:gratuitous tits ratio discrepancy of any movie that's any good.
Monday 23 November 2009
Capturing the Friedmans
Andrew Jarecki, 2003
In this absolutely extraordinary documentary - how can you manage to deal with an issue like child sex abuse without making an audience jump to conclusions? - when Peter Panaro talks of driving upstate to visit Arnold Friedman in jail, the sequence starts with a great close-up of a cow pushing its big square nose towards the camera in a sunny field.
In this absolutely extraordinary documentary - how can you manage to deal with an issue like child sex abuse without making an audience jump to conclusions? - when Peter Panaro talks of driving upstate to visit Arnold Friedman in jail, the sequence starts with a great close-up of a cow pushing its big square nose towards the camera in a sunny field.
Friday 20 November 2009
Chocolat
Lasse Hallström, 2000
This is a halfling, a bovine twilight film, an undefined double-agent of teasing confusion. Several times you hear cows in the background, but you never get to see them. I think that means it counts as a no-cow film.
This is a halfling, a bovine twilight film, an undefined double-agent of teasing confusion. Several times you hear cows in the background, but you never get to see them. I think that means it counts as a no-cow film.
Wednesday 18 November 2009
Sleeper
Woody Allen, 1973
No cows. But an eight foot chicken is something of a commendable mitigating factor.
No cows. But an eight foot chicken is something of a commendable mitigating factor.
Monday 16 November 2009
Confessions of A Dangerous Mind
George Clooney, 2002
What's not to love about this criminally overlooked movie?
A rattling good tale taken from the 'unauthorised autobiography' of game show host and CIA hitman Chuck Barris, turned into a characteristically sparky screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, directed by George Clooney, a great lead performance from Moon's brilliant leading (almost solo) man Sam Rockwell, and even hilariously underplayed cameos from Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.
I'll tell you what's not to love. Not a cow in sight.
Worse, for the third time in only eleven movies so far logged here - Amelie and Very Annie Mary being the others - there are goats but no cows.
In the Helsinki scene a truckful of goats goes by. Later, in East Berlin, Chuck gets into the back of a truck with a load of blokes and a goat. It looks a lot like the same truck and leads me to the conclusion that they shot all the 'icy European cities' scenes in one swift go, recycling the goat truck.
Cheapskate production values? Or bovophobia?
What's not to love about this criminally overlooked movie?
A rattling good tale taken from the 'unauthorised autobiography' of game show host and CIA hitman Chuck Barris, turned into a characteristically sparky screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, directed by George Clooney, a great lead performance from Moon's brilliant leading (almost solo) man Sam Rockwell, and even hilariously underplayed cameos from Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.
I'll tell you what's not to love. Not a cow in sight.
Worse, for the third time in only eleven movies so far logged here - Amelie and Very Annie Mary being the others - there are goats but no cows.
In the Helsinki scene a truckful of goats goes by. Later, in East Berlin, Chuck gets into the back of a truck with a load of blokes and a goat. It looks a lot like the same truck and leads me to the conclusion that they shot all the 'icy European cities' scenes in one swift go, recycling the goat truck.
Cheapskate production values? Or bovophobia?
Friday 13 November 2009
Tuesday 10 November 2009
Very Annie Mary
Sara Sugarman, 2001
No cows.
Despite Annie Mary wearing something that looks like cow-print chaps, and despite the extensive use of rural location and the inclusion of quality close-ups of more unusual livestock like geese and goats, this is nonetheless a bovine free zone.
No cows.
Despite Annie Mary wearing something that looks like cow-print chaps, and despite the extensive use of rural location and the inclusion of quality close-ups of more unusual livestock like geese and goats, this is nonetheless a bovine free zone.
Human Nature
Michel Gondry, 2001
From the writer/director partnership of Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry, whose follow-up was the incomparable Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, comes this tale of human pretence, artifice, neurosis and the way we value what we idealise at the cost of what we actually have. As Nathan Bronfman advises Puff, a man raised as an ape as he struggles to become civilised, 'remember, when in doubt, don't ever do what you really want to do'.
And at the end, as Puff marches proudly back to the forest, he nods to two cows in a field by the road. It's not just a passing touch but a clear symbolic comment that civilisation has turned us all into domestic cattle. Moo.
From the writer/director partnership of Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry, whose follow-up was the incomparable Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, comes this tale of human pretence, artifice, neurosis and the way we value what we idealise at the cost of what we actually have. As Nathan Bronfman advises Puff, a man raised as an ape as he struggles to become civilised, 'remember, when in doubt, don't ever do what you really want to do'.
And at the end, as Puff marches proudly back to the forest, he nods to two cows in a field by the road. It's not just a passing touch but a clear symbolic comment that civilisation has turned us all into domestic cattle. Moo.
Monday 9 November 2009
The Omen
Richard Donner, 1976
No cows.
What kind of diabolical film could be set in modern England with a herd of giraffes and a troop of baboons, yet no cows? Truly satanic.
No cows.
What kind of diabolical film could be set in modern England with a herd of giraffes and a troop of baboons, yet no cows? Truly satanic.
Sunday 8 November 2009
The Man in the White Suit
Alexander Mackendrick, 1951
No cows.
A model horse and a painting of a stag in Mr Birnley's study are as close as it gets.
No cows.
A model horse and a painting of a stag in Mr Birnley's study are as close as it gets.
Saturday 7 November 2009
Friday 6 November 2009
Thursday 29 October 2009
Wednesday 28 October 2009
The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus
Terry Gilliam, 2009
I suspect Francis Ford Coppola is a bovophobe. Although I estimate that cattle appear in about a third of all movies, there's not a cow to be seen in the entirety of the Godfather trilogy, I don't think there are any in The Conversation, and then in Apocalypse Now there's that cruelly drawn-out scene of the cow being slaughtered. And they did it for real.
Of course, there's a sick irony in ever having happy cows on screen at all, given that movies are shot on film made with gelatin from the boiled bones of animals including cows.
But anyway, as with Apocalypse Now, there are only dead cows in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus. They are banged into by a gondola as they float lifeless in a river.
I suspect Francis Ford Coppola is a bovophobe. Although I estimate that cattle appear in about a third of all movies, there's not a cow to be seen in the entirety of the Godfather trilogy, I don't think there are any in The Conversation, and then in Apocalypse Now there's that cruelly drawn-out scene of the cow being slaughtered. And they did it for real.
Of course, there's a sick irony in ever having happy cows on screen at all, given that movies are shot on film made with gelatin from the boiled bones of animals including cows.
But anyway, as with Apocalypse Now, there are only dead cows in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus. They are banged into by a gondola as they float lifeless in a river.
Tuesday 27 October 2009
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
David Fincher, 2008
Several times during the film Mr Daws, Benjamin's elderly room mate, recounts tales of the seven times he was struck by lightning, visually depicted by scratchy old film of the event.
'Once when I was in the field, just tending to my cows,' he says, and lo, there are some cows who appear unscathed as Mr Daws gets zapped.
I think we'll see a lot more of these reflective, intelligent, meditative films about ageing in the coming years (indeed, I'd say Charlie Kaufman's epic Synedoche New York is already on the list). The 60s and 70s were full of teen culture because of the demographic bulge of baby boomers. Now they're getting old and dealing with very old, senile, gibbering wrecks of parents and realising it's their turn next.
Here's hoping there'll be plenty of nice cows in them.
Several times during the film Mr Daws, Benjamin's elderly room mate, recounts tales of the seven times he was struck by lightning, visually depicted by scratchy old film of the event.
'Once when I was in the field, just tending to my cows,' he says, and lo, there are some cows who appear unscathed as Mr Daws gets zapped.
I think we'll see a lot more of these reflective, intelligent, meditative films about ageing in the coming years (indeed, I'd say Charlie Kaufman's epic Synedoche New York is already on the list). The 60s and 70s were full of teen culture because of the demographic bulge of baby boomers. Now they're getting old and dealing with very old, senile, gibbering wrecks of parents and realising it's their turn next.
Here's hoping there'll be plenty of nice cows in them.
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